BRAVE!

Recently I went through a Dramatic and hard Relationship. A lot of things were wrong and finally I realized that I couldn't handle this stress in my life. I finally had to courage to be "brave." Just tonight I found a song on my playlist that I haven't listened to in a long time, as I listened to it again, it had a different meaning then before, it described exactly how I felt/feel. the name of the song is "brave" by Indina Menzel. MUSIC IS POWERFUL!! here are the lyrics:

"Brave"

Don't know just where I'm going
And tomorrow, it's a little overwhelming
And the air is cold
And I'm not the same anymore
I've been running in your direction
For to long now
I've lost my own reflection
And I can't look down
If you're not there to catch me when I fall.

If this is the moment I stand here on my own
If this is my rite of passage that somehow leads me home
I might be afraid
But it's my turn to be brave
If this is the last chance before we say goodbye
At least it's the first day of the rest of my life
I can't be afraid
Cause it's my turn to be brave

All along all I ever wanted, was to be the light
When your life was daunting
But I can't see mine
When I feel as though you're pushing me away
Well who's to blame, are we making the right choices
Cause we can't be sure if we're hearing our own voices
As we close the door even though we are so desperate to stay

If this is the moment I stand here on my own
If this is my rite of passage that somehow leads me home
I might be afraid
But it's my turn to be brave
If this is the last chance before we say goodbye
At least it's the first day of the rest of my life
I can't be afraid
Cause it's my turn to be brave

And I might still cry
And I might still bleed
These thorns in my side
This heart on my sleeve
And lightening may strike
This ground at my feet
And I might still crash
But I still believe

This is the moment I stand here all alone
With everything I have inside, everything I own
I might be afraid
But it's my turn to be brave
If this is the last time before we say goodbye
At least it's the first day of the rest of my life
I can't be afraid
Cause it's my turn to be brave

So I just realized I hardly blog these days. and I want to start again. So I just felt inspired to start blogging again :) YAY ten points for meh :)

butterflies

She was just 5 years old.
A slightly moody day.
She couldn't stay away from the river's edge and I.
I turned my back to count All the daffodil seeds that surrounded.
I closed my eyes and then heard the water wake up.And I.
I can still hear that scream.
It's still lingering in the air, everywhere, mother please, save me.
Grab my hand, I can't, I can't.
I can still see that face, sink beneath the waves.
Baby, please breathe for me give me time I am here.
Where did you go?Where'd you go?Where'd you go?Where'd you go?
Were the angels that lonely?
Couldn't they suffice for anybody else?
Can't everybody just lie to me?
She's home, she's home, crying for me now.
Every night on a Monday.I will visit the same spot that I hate.
Yes, the place that baby loved.
Now she can taste it. It took her away.

It's been 5 years since then.
And when it hits September.I feel like I'm dying again.
and i wish she was talking to me.Talk to me.
Isn't this pain guilt enough?
I can't even look out the window.
Without seeing figures distorted in the sun.
And I, I can still hear that scream.
It's still lingering in the air, everywhere, mother please, save me.
Grab my hand, I can't, I can't.
I can still see that face, sink beneath the waves.
Baby, please breathe for me give me time I am here.
Where did you go? Where'd you go?Where'd you go?Where'd you go?
Were the angels that lonely?
Couldn't they suffice for anybody else?
Can't everybody just lie to me?
She's home, she's home, crying for me now.
Every night on a Monday, I will visit the same spot that I hate.
Yes, the place that baby loved.
Now she can taste it. It took her away.
And when the Pain hits me like gunshotoh,
and I'm heading on the way to the floor.
I hear her name and it kills me.
Bottles up, bottles up, bottles up.
And I'm trying so hard to forget
but who could forget her laugh?
i choke on my tears
Cough it up.Drink it up.Drink it up.

Were the angels that lonely?
Couldn't they suffice for anybody else?
Can't everybody just lie to me?
She's home, she's home, crying for me now.
Every night on a Monday
I will visit the same spot that I hate.
Yes, the place that baby loved.
Now she can taste it. It took her away.
Oh, it took her away, took her away.

now my time has come
and in that breath of death before leaving,
i swear i saw your face welcoming me
reaching out with your perfect embrace
oh i see it now.
this heaven, it looks like that lake
the one that you loved so dear
oh you always loved it

Then I'll like it too, even though it scared me when I was alone,
but now I'm with you,
I'll be just fine, I'll be just fine
We can sit,we talk about,talk about...
Butterflies,Butterflies,Butterflies,Butterflies.

why ruin lives?

Went to a party Mom...

I went to a party,
And remembered what you said.
You told me
not to drink, Mom,
so I had a sprite instead.

I felt proud of myself,
The way you said I would,
that I didn't drink and drive,
though some friends said I should.

I made a healthy choice,
And your advice to me was right.
The party finally ended,
and the kids drove out of sight.

I got into my car,
Sure to get home in one piece.
I never knew what was coming, Mom,
something I expected least.
Now I'm lying on the pavement,
And I hear the policeman say,
the kid that caused this wreck was drunk,
Mom, his voice seems far away.

My own blood's all around me,
As I try hard not to cry.
I can hear the paramedic say,
this girl is going to die.

I'm sure the guy had no idea,
While he was flying high.
Because he chose to drink and drive,
now I would have to die.

So why do people e do it, Mom
Knowing that it ruins lives?
And now the pain is cutting me,
like a hundred stabbing
knives.

Tell sister not to be afraid, Mom
Tell daddy to be brave.
nd when I go to heaven,
put ' Mommy's Girl' on my grave.

Someone should have taught him,
That it's wrong to drink and drive.
Maybe if his parents had,
I'd still be alive

My breath is getting shorter,
Mom I'm getting really scared
These are my final moments,
and I'm so unprepared.

I wish that you could hold me Mom,
As I lie here and die.
I wish that I could say, 'I love you, Mom!'
So I love you and good-bye.

my shark attack!

while we where at California at the beach last year, there was me, my sis kensley, and my dad went body surfing in the waves.

i was having a pretty good time (except for all that salt in my eye's and mouth.)

I got some pretty good waves. my mom, Ej (my bro,) tage (my other bro), and my sis Tatum where on shore playing in the sand (tatum had a good time eating it as well as playing in it.)

all of the sudden mom started yelling to my dad. we couldn't quite make out what she was saying, but she was panicking. "what's mom saying?" i thought as i turned to dad, but when i turned to look at him i saw something that shocked me so much i didn't believe it was really happening.

about 8 feet away i noticed a light blue-ish/gray dorsal fin pop out of the water. i coulnd't believe my eye's! but sure enough as the wave swelled i saw the huge body in the wave! i was not mistaken.

i thought that i always wanted to be attacked by a shark just to say that i had been (it sounded kind of cool), but now that i was so close from that experience, i decided i didn't want that 8 foot long experience any more. but it was to late! i had no choice now.

i statred swimming as fast as i could but before i could, dad turned around and said "look!" but his tone wasn't as scared as you would have thought! "look, dolphin's! five of them!" he finished.

so that scary experience turned out to be a cool dolphin experience. it was so cool to watch all of them riding the waves.

my ... odd dream

this is my dream... really bizarre....so i am sharing it? uh yeah...

I apparently was a government agent in the first half of my dream. I swear to you I make none of this up. Totally trippy. Ok so I was in this building and I knew (as you usually do in dreams) that the pizza factory across the street was going to blow up. Bomb or something. Apparently when pizza gets superheated it gives off pizza-acid. But pizza-acid is poisonous and burns you to the bone if it touches you. And since the pizza factory was going to blow up, the pizza was going to get superheated in the fire, fly into the air, and rain on the city causing mass destruction and death.
I knew i could save this one group of 10 or so people in the office building where I was. I told them the situation, said not to panic, and bid everyone watch out the window to see when the building explodes. Sure enough, the building exploded and it began to rain pizza acid on the streets. The sky darkened and all I could hear were sirens and screams. The pizza acid was boring into the building we were in and the other people were in a frenzy trying to get out of the building. (Bad idea, obviously.) I took my 10 or so people and shoved them down the laundry chute. We'd be safe there. surely.
When we all get down the laundry chute we're suddenly in a giant warehouse. The situation reminded me of the Antiques Roadshow, but it was a pet-matching service. Experts matched you, based on your personal qualities, to your ideal pet and sent you on your merry way. I saw a guy go out with an iguana and a woman go out with a horse before I moved on and walked out the back door, feeling my job was done.
I was suddenly in a deep, dark, close and very scary forest. Every time I took a step it got darker and denser. I quickly encountered the hooka-smoking caterpillar from Alice in Wonderland sitting on his mushroom next to a rock. He told me to follow the White Rabbit. So I did. I went down the rabbit hole at the base of the rock. I just kept falling and falling and passing weird things on my way down. I woke up to my alarm before I could reach the bottom. Pity.

Love never dies

Love never dies

she lay's there on the grass,

the song he wrote in her hands,

with all the little hearts drawn with little crayons.

as she looks up a tear fills her eye,

as she looks up into the october sky.

she wonders even though he did,

does love ever die?

she thinks of the way he looked in her eye's

she thinks of him, and she starts to cry

she thinks of the day

fate took him away

she prays "dear God tell him I miss him,

and please dear God I hope you will listen

it's him she still loves,

and he rests above.

she hopes he look down

as she lays on the ground.

she stays there through the night

watching the stars shine through the tree's

thinking back on all the memories.

she looks up through the deep blue skies

she imagines she looking in those blue eye's.

she whispers to herself the song he sang

she remembers his vioce and the way it rang.

but then a vioce as quiet as a whisper

comes to her and she knows he's with her.

she looks up into heavens windows,

his comforting vioce and then she knows.

she lay's there on the grass,

the song he wrote in her hands

with all tha little hearts drwn in crayons.

as she looks up hertears start to dry

as she looks into the October sky

now she knows even though he did,

Love never dies.