Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Call me a physic.

I knew this was going to happen. as much as I hoped it wouldn't, I knew it would. and it's not any less painful then I thought it would be. but I'm building up walls cause I refuse to let you see my pain when your so happy.

I truly did love you. maybe not in the way you thought... the way I often times let you believe. but it's still just as painful and hard to see someone you cared for, someone you spent so much time with, just to forget everything so easily, and move on without even the slightest notion of looking back. However it does makes me realize that everything we did 'have' was fake. it was an illusion made up of insecurities. Everything you said was 'real' until you found someone else you could be 'real' with. those same exact words you said to me proved themselves to be nothing more then lies. words so specific and individual cannot be shared once again with someone different. therefore they become lies. but they are no longer my lies. no longer something I will or can believe.
Even though I told you I wished you the best I can't help but want you to be hurt, to be in pain, and feel as miserable as I do. I know it's wrong, but thats just simply the way I feel.

I know it may hurt for a while, but letting go of you was the right thing to do. I know you felt hurt in the beginning. like I had betrayed you. as often as I tried to explain why I did it I know you did not understand. you probably never will. I know that both of us can only be happier in the end, rather then if I had held onto you... if you were still 'Mine'.

The Love I used to feel for you is (hopefully only temporarily) turned to bitterness, and something close to hatred. so this is my goodbye to you. someday I hope I really can wish you the best with a real sincerity.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Why can't you just hold me?

Comfortable as I am
I need your reassurance
And comfortable as you are
You count the days

But if I wanted silence
I would whisper
And if I wanted loneliness
I'd choose to go
And if i liked rejection
I'd audition
And if I didn't love you
You would know

And why can't you just hold me
And how come it is so hard
And do you like to see me broken
And why do I still care
still care

You say you see the light now
At the end of this narrow hall
I wish it didn't matter
I wish I didn't give you all

But if I wanted silence
I would whisper
And if I wanted loneliness
I'd choose to go
And if i liked rejection
I'd audition
And if I didn't love you
You would know

And why can't you just hold me
And how come it is so hard
And do you like to see me broken
And why do I still care

Poor little misunderstood baby
No one likes a sad face
But I can't remember life without him
I think I did have good days
I think I did have good days


And why can't you just hold me
And how come it is so hard
And do you like to see me broken
And why do I still care

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Monday, January 31, 2011

Day 24

Reality is a nice place, but I wouldn't want to live there. I live inside my head. it's a wonderful place... most of the time... Unless I wander to far into the darkness. those days are rather gloomy, but for the most part the place I live is a place of all kinds of possibility's.

Day 23

This makes me laugh everytime. "cause my daddy taught me good!"

watch the itunes song too ;)




Day 22

Check out my other blog where I post my photography.



also follow me on twitter?

Day 21

Bahaahaha, that is something that I would not know to much about. I'm not a cook, although I do love creating.... mixtures of strange sorts. whenever I do cook, I pretend that I am a really fancy cook. hehe, it's fun =)

my siblings love it when I cook these Hash brown type thing. haha. I'm just going to call it "Hatch browns."

cook a baked potato (until it's tender)

Grate it into a pan that has either oil or butter.

add Johnny's salt, along with some other salt.

add grated cheese in.

a few drops of lemon juice

once they start to brown add 2 TBS of Cream cheese...

it's waaaay much yummy in your tummy :)

Day 20

A talent? A hobby? it's pretty much the same sorta kinda.... isn't it?

hmm....


pretty much everything in the before are hobby's that I enjoy doing, so I'm counting that as the same.

Day 19

Hmmm... a talent of mine?

On a good day, my mind is full of creativity. I LOVE creating. anything and everything. I have an eye for beauty (or so I am told at least.)

I love creative writing

Creating Music

Singing

Taking pictures of beautiful things...


I'm not sure if these count as a talent (I'm not even that great at all of them) but it's the things I love, therefore I will classify them as talent?

Day 18

Oi, what a terrible, wonderful, and very broad topic...

I'm young... and don't really want to get married anytime soon. maybe in a few years :P
I do have a few random details planned, but I'm not even going to go there for now. aha.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Day 17

these are two "art" pieces that I painted...









Day 16

At certain times certain songs can make me cry, but there is only one song that seems to get my choked up every time. it's "His name" by "Fireflight"
Part of the reason I think it gets the good of my emotional side is because of the timing that it came into my life. It was perfect. I just needed it... along with the message that it carries. listen to it. maybe you'll understand what I mean.

Day 15

So I'm frustrated because I actually did write this one, but some how for some reason it didn't post or save.... so I am skipping. MUAHAHA
maybe someday when I am not feeling so lazy I will rewrite it

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Again, not apart of the 30 days

Friday, January 21, 2011

Day 14

Okay, well this one is a little easier to answer, believe it or not.

Sassy shoes - My hot pink stilettos
comfy shoes - My black moccasins
Summer shoes - Gold Sandles - which have been broken at least 4 times, but I still love em'

Day 13

My favorite outfit? are you for real? your seriously asking a GIRL her favorite outfit? well I have no answer for you.

I have about 3 jeans
and a gazillion tops. I'm not going to try to name even a few of my favorite items. so hopefully that narrows it down for ya

Day 12

I've procrastinated writing this one cause I honestly don't know if there actually is something that I am OCD about...

hmmm lets see...

I always check behind the shower curtain before I use the bathroom. hah. that's the only thing that I am really OCD about, other then that I am pretty OCD free =)

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

NOT apart of the 30 days.

Wake up in the morning
It's not so bad
I can taste you on my lips
And it makes me sad
There's a part of me that just wants you back
You're the one thing I want that I never did have
That I never did have, oh noo

Fill me up
Steam me up
Hear me shout
Tip me over and pour me out

Pour me out
On the concrete next to your feet
Do I have to cry out
Can you hear me
Oh just to be
With you

Oh gosh this bed
It feels so cold
My head was led by the lies you told
But to this day my heart you stole
In a bind left behind waiting for your call

Fill me up
Steam me up
Hear me shout
Tip me over and pour me out

Pour me out
On the concrete next to your feet
Do I have to cry out
Can you hear me
Oh just to be
With you

Find me outside sitting in the rain
On the curb in pain my heart is breaking
You look at me holding on to a dream that filled me long ago,
But I'm still waiting.
I'm still holding on

Pour me out
On the concrete next to your feet
Do I have to cry
Can you hear me
Oh just to be
Pour me out
On the concrete next to your feet
Do I have to cry out
Can you hear me
Can you hear me
Do I have to cry
Can you hear me
Oh just to be, just to be with you
Oh just to be with you
Ohhh just to be with you

Day 11


A picture of me recently... a week old? nuff said.


Monday, January 17, 2011

Day 10

Waa-la! two pictures of me when I was just a little tike. Over 10 years ago










Day 9


there isn't really much explanation that needs to go into this picture. I take a lot of pictures of sunsets, and this just happens to be one of them. I took while walking to the Conference center In SLC


Day 8

sadly this picture does make me a bit angry/ sad but I'm not going to go into details and the drama of why it does, but I will just have you know that there is a story behind it. something that happened that day, that I don't think I will forget.

day 7


Tatum & my kitty Pink chillin' on the front porch. definitely one of my favorite pictures :)
this picture makes me happy because I think of all the good times I've had with Pink, and what an awesome cat she was, and how much love she added in my life. some people might think it funny, or silly, but I really loved Pink with all of my heart, even though our time together was short. she was so fun to play with, so adventurous, so cuddly, and so patient with the younger kids who were constantly teasing the heck out of her. it was the best of times. I miss her a ton.

R.I.P Pink

Day 6

(way much behind) none of these are in order

1. my little siblings
2. family in general
3. my few REAL friends
4. my boy, Corey
5. Sparkley things
6. dark poetry
7. soft blankets and fluffy pillows
8. The ocean
9. MUSIC
10. little kitty's
11. moments when jammin' out to music in the car
12. white chocolate
13. Cafe rio && Orange leaf
14. playing guitar
15. photography
16. ballroom and Ballet
17. musicals
18. the color BLUE
19. yummy smelling perfumes / colognes that make you crazy :P
20. my slippers!

wow, that was a lot easier then I thought it would be. lol

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Day 5

My room is known for it's quote wall. that's literally what is is. it's covered in all of my favorite quotes, and it would be way to much excessive time to make a "List" like I have been, so I'll just go ahead and share one of my top favorites. it's simple, but I love it.

We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.

Day 4

I'm not a big reader but the following are some of my very favorite books, (and no, twilight is NOT one of them)

Les Miserables
Jane Eyre
The Chosen
Tennis shoes among the Nephites series
Chronicles of Narnia series
The lonesome God's
To kill a mockingbird
and...
The giver series (especially "The messenger")

Day 3

Meh, behind already, oh well. thus is continues.

Hmmm, TV show? I don't watch tv often, but when I do I enjoy...

AFV- (Who doesn't love a good laugh?)
Destination Truth
The Simpsons
Everybody loves raymond

I used to LOVE ghost hunters, but ever since I started watching it a fear of the dark took over me. never in my whole life have I been afraid of the dark, not even as a little girl, and yet ever since I started watching that Show, I would get really freaked in the dark, so I stopped watching it. funny thing is it really isn't even that creepy, but for some reason I just couldn't handle it. although I still do watch an episode every once in a while ;)

Sunday, January 9, 2011

Day 2

Okay, time for some of my all time favorite movies... since I can't pick just ONE. Readdddddy GO!

The village
The Prestige
Jaws
The Island
The time travelers wife
The phantom of the opera
The Pianist
Batman begins
The notebook
V for Vendetta
Lion king
The sixth sense
The princess and the frog...

And pretty much any Disney or Pixar movie I love

Saturday, January 8, 2011

Day 1

Anyone who knows me knows of my obsessiveness with Music. music is so powerful to me, I couldn't do without it. although I am not going to go off on that little rant, but I am just going to say that it would be so hard for me to just pick 1 favorite song. with that note in mind, I'll just name a few that mean a lot to me, or maybe just fun ones that I never get sick of... ready, set, GO!

1. Silhouette ~ Swimming with Dolphins
2. We're so far away - Mae
3. Hospital- Lydia
4. Now the one you once loved is leaving - Lydia
5. Wine red - The Hush sound
6. Quiet- Lights
7. Fighting for nothing - Meg & Dia
8. First dance - Nevershoutnever!
9. If my heart was a house - Owl City
10. He said she said - Ashley Tisdale
11. She said- Stephen Jerzak
12. playing God - Paramore
13. Here we go again - Paramore
14. Misguided ghost - Paramore
15. take me on the floor - The veronicas
16. Fireball - Dev
17. booty bounce - Dev

... the list goes on, but I'll just stop right there before I get to carried away.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Its time to play a game because i'm bored out of my mind.

I'm stealing thing thingy from my big brother Cody, this is how it goes: for the next 30 days I'm going to be doing this one thing where I write in here about myself with a different topic each day.

day 1- Your favorite song
day 2- Your favorie movies
day 3- Your favorite TV show
day 4- Your favorite book
day 5- Your favorite quote
day 6- 20 of your favorite things
day 7- A photo that makes you happy
day 8- A photo that makes you angry/sad
day 9- A photo you took
day 10- A photo taken over 10 years ago of you
day 11- A photo of you recently
day 12- Something you are OCD about
day 13- Your favorite outfit
day 14- Your favorite shoes
day 15- Your dream house
day 16- A song that makes you cry
day 17- An art piece
day 18- My wedding/future wedding/ past wedding
day 19- A talent of yours
day 20- A hobby of yours
day 21- A recipe
day 22- A website
day 23- A youtube video
day 24- Where I live
day 25- Your day in great detail
day 26- Your week, in great detail
day 27- Your worst habit
day 28- Whats in my handbag/purse
day 29- Hopes, dreams and plans for 365 days
day 30- A dream for the future

Why I Deactivated my Facebook

I'm going through a really hard time right now, so allow me to just vent my feelings for a moment...

Last night I was minding my own business, just relaxing and playing on facebook, when I random chat from a random person named "Darren" popped up TELLING me to give him 5 minutes. I have no idea who this person was or what the heck he was talking about. THEN he followed up by saying something like "I'm a hacker, and someone submitted nude pictures of you to my website and I am going to post them up and send them to your friends and family on facebook unless you give me 5 minutes of your time." Okay, first off, WTFreak?! I don't have any nudes anywhere, NEVER have, never will. second of all I have no Idea where this guy came from or how the heck he got on my facebook, AND when I clicked on his profile it popped up saying "you are not allowed to view this persons profile."

Anywho continuing on...

I replied by telling me he had 5 minutes, then he sent me a link and told me to go to it. Umm, I don't think so. I am not going to go to some link that could be a virus and blow up my computer. I had had enough with this creep, thus I told him to "Eff off" pretty much knowing that he was liar. he then told me that gave me whatever and started listing all the names of my relatives and said "shit, I'm going to have fun sending this to all these people."

It didn't scare me that he might have nude pictures of me, I know he doesn't, what freaked me out was how he got onto my facebook and how he had a lot of info about me. I went in changed all my privacy settings to full strength, changed my Password, and then just finally decided to delete it all together.

I was really overwhelmed and freaked out by everything, I went and told my sister and my mom, mom got mad, blamed me for giving out info online, which I never have, yelled at me, which just made the whole situation worse. I will freely admit that I was an emotional wreck for the rest of the night. my mom took my computer away and shut my phone off for good. I went to go get comfort from my Bunny, Zealious, and he pee'd on me, I set him down, he chased me into the kitchen and started bitting my feet like crazy, which was completely not normal for him at all. so that freaked me out as well.

maybe overall I was over reacting, even as I am writing this I feel like I am being a baby about the whole situation, but it was really frustrating and overwhelming for me. now I have no computer and I have a paper due tomorrow, which I am not even close to finished with. I'll just end my saying that it wasn't the best night of my life.